it’s undermining every breath i take
it’s the light in my eyes as i wake
this car crash of a heart
it won’t even start
pushing back the shower curtain
it’s sitting there, it’s pulling open
i pretend not to see
what you’re telling me

and i am running farther than i should from you
and i am praying in every moment i’m missing you
i’m missing you

i’ll pretend
and i’ll wait
for you to really hit my face
and i’ll
i’ll forget to see
how everything is a memory

bring me back
those couches and the wine
the classes and our time
his wrinkled nose
and your house you chose
bring me back
your smile and your breath
i can’t handle death
i though you knew

you took with you everything
we can’t even breath
you’re haunting me

bring me back
the projects and the green
the movies and my dream
the turntable
and peeled beer lables
bring me back
your smile and your breath
i can’t handle death
i thought you knew
i thought you knew

well now you know
now you know
i’m missing you
i’m missing you
i am running farther than i should from you
i am praying in every moment i’m missing you
i’m missing you

I wrote this about a good friend of mine, Blake Reynolds.  Blake and I met my first semester of college.  To be honest, we smoked alot of weed together.  haha.  I was young, 17, when I came to Athens, and I didn’t know but one person, and that was my boyfriend.  Blake was the first person to approach me.  It was in a freshman seminar class, and he said hello to me.  We talked about cars and German and well, we became really close.  Somehow, after the initial shock of a big college wore off, Blake and I remained friends, and every semester we had a class together for two years straight.  That boy saw me go through so much, and he was always there.  One time, when I was still living in the dorms, my car was towed and I needed a ride to go pick it up, and he took me.  I rode in his friend’s SUV and we listened to rap and smoked a joint the whole way out into Bumfuck, Georgia.  I was really young then, and just didn’t care about anything.  And Blake was the first person I had ever met that had the ability to do everything he ever wanted to.  His family had enough money that he had his dream car, he went on his dream vacations, and I remember when he got his first house and his first dog, Sanford–a beautiful English Bulldog… looks just like Uga.  We used to drink at the Winery [it was the only bar my roommate and I could get into] and would wind down at MJ’s nasty one bedroom apartment at four AM.  We’d sleep in my dorm room, close up against a cement wall in a bunk bed, listening to the cars ride by outside.  And when I got my first apartment, Blake came by with his buddy Tyler and had some of the first drinks in there with us.  Blake was always there when I needed a ride or help with homework, and he always put a smile on my face.  He was an amazing friend…  An amazing person.

Blake died two years ago this November.  He was barely 21.  He had a brain aneurysm in his house, with his roommate and girlfriend watching.  I hadn’t seen him in a few months when it happened… I had switched majors and it was the first semester since starting college that I didn’t have a class with him.  He had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend, and we were so caught up in our lives we didn’t get to be there for each other.  I remember promising to go to his 21st birthday party, and hating that I didn’t make it.  I still have the facebook messages between us… 

When he died, I lost it.  I became an insomniac and started hallucinating.  I couldn’t focus.  I couldn’t live.  I missed him more than I could imagine and I felt like no one understood the bond we had.  No one could understand how much I missed him… how much I still do.

I wrote this song for him shortly after his death.  I miss him.  Still.  Everyday.  And everyday he shows himself in my life, I swear it. 

I included this video from Butch Walker because the song was partial inspiration for my lyrics.  Butch is the MAN and I saw him live shortly before Blake passed… one of the greatest live shows I’ve ever seen.